April's Final Check In

I can't believe it's already May! Wow! My mission for April was to write in my journal EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was a good challenge for me. I did a pretty good job keeping up with my journal, but there were a few days I did not get to it. During the course of this month I learned remembered some of my favorite things about journaling.

First, it is very therapeutic. On days when I was having a hard time with my health, when I was discouraged, tired, frustrated, just the simple act of writing down my feelings helped me to relieve my stress. It was like having my own counselor on the computer. I was able to clear my head and let go of my negative emotions. It was wonderful!

 Next, journaling helped me receive answers to my prayers. This month there were several things I was praying for. And as I would sit down and write in my journal about the struggles I was going through, thoughts popped into my head that gave me comfort, peace, and even advice. I know I did not come up with these thoughts on my own. It was my Heavenly Father communicating with me. Problems that seemed so insurmountable now seem conquerable. Frustrations I had were smoothed over. Fears I had were quieted, all because I took the time to quietly reflect and write down my feelings. I took the time to quiet my mind so the Spirit could communicate to me.

Another blessing of journal writing is it enabled me to truly see how blessed I am. Even on days when I felt sad or upset, when I wrote in my journal I was able to sit back and look at the situation and realize that even with all of life's bumps, I have SO much to be grateful for. It was nice to write down think about what I have been blessed with. I was even able to see how some of the trials I had were able to bless my life and the lives of others. I was able to see God's hand at work in my life. Sometimes I don't understand why things are happening to me, but as I write about them I am able to see they are blessings in disguise. It was wonderful to write about my blessings.

And finally, the most obvious thing was that I was able to sit down and really think about my day. There were some days I felt like I had nothing to write about worth mentioning, but as I sat and thought about it little things would pop into my mind. I would remember cute little things the girls did or said, impressions I had, conversations I had...and I was able to write them down. I captured more memories this month than I have in a long time. Things that I otherwise would have been forgotten. That alone is worth the entire months' challenge. I realized that in as little as five to ten minutes a day I was able to start a priceless gift to myself. The gift of remembering. Lately with my thyroid being out of wack, it is hard for me to remember where I put my car keys two minutes ago, let alone the cute things Hadley said to me last week.

I am SO grateful to have done this challenge. It is definitely something I plan to keep doing each day. I hope that someday my journal will be read by my children or my children's children and they will see me for who I truly am. I hope they will be able to relate to my struggles, and see that I am just an imperfect person trying my hardest to improve each day. And most importantly I hope they see my love for them. I hope they know my intentions are good, even though my actions do not always reflect that. And I hope that I can instill in them the habit of writing in their journals so they can experience the peace and joy that comes from doing so.

April's Mission: Journaling

My mission for April is something I have been meaning to do for YEARS - I am going to write in my journal every. single. day. Yikes! The thought makes me freak out a little. I don't know why but all of my attempts to keep an updated journal over the past decade have failed miserably. I didn't always used to be this way. In fact when I was a teenager I was so good at keeping a journal I had four, yes four. Maybe I overdid it a little bit. :) One was my day to day journal, one was my spiritual journal, one was a quote journal filled with sage bits of wisdom, and finally my "guy" journal filled with the day to day angst of teenage romance. Sadly, once I got married, my journal writing habit fell to the wayside and I only have snippets of moments from the past eleven years. And it breaks my heart because the past eleven years have been the most eventful years of my life. I have had four babies, moved thirteen times, endured some hard trials, and learned more than I thought possible. The past year and a half, I have improved at writing but it is sporadic and is never more often than once a week, if that.
I am hoping that this months' challenge will kick start me into learning to love journaling again. I am a little freaked out at the thought of trying to write something intersting about my life every day. Sometimes as a stay at home mom it seems like I am doing the same things over and over and over. But now that I know I am going to be writing about my life, I am going to keep my eye out for experiences that may have otherwise gone unnoticed or undocumented. It should be interesting!

March's Mission Final Check In

I can't believe March has come and gone. It is crazy how quickly time goes by. I am grateful for the experience I had in March thinking about motherhood and what it truly means to me. I wish I could say I was a perfect mother, that I truly focused all my energy into my March mission, and things went swimmingly every day, but that would not be reality. The end of March was pretty crazy with family in town and a marathon spring break adventure so I am sad to say that although I had an amazing time with my kids, I am not sure how "mindful" I was. I enjoyed them so that counts right? And in hindsight although the mission did not go exactly as I had planned, it did allow me to realign many of my priorities.

Here are some of the lessons I learned...

*Motherhood is truly a joy if you take time to enjoy your children.
-That doesn't mean that every moment is bliss, far from it, but if you can enjoy the little moments, the everyday annoyances do not seem so bad.

*Being a mindful mother does not mean spending every waking hour entertaining your children.
-When I first started this challenge I felt guilty when I was not spending every free moment doting on my kids. As the month went on I realized that a little investment of quality time with them each day allowed us to grow closer. The key is consistency. Spending time with them each day and making sure that time is well spent.

*How I act as a mother impacts the entire family environment.
-You know the saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? As much as I cringe at the grammar of that statement, it is so true! When I am calm my kids are calm. When I am happy, my kids are happy (for the most part). When I am anxious, irritable, or just plain grumpy...you guessed it, my kids are too. That lesson was reinforced to me this month as I made the effort to be serene. Our home was truly a more peaceful place to be.

I know I have a lot to work on in the parenting department, but I am grateful for children who are quick to forgive and are full of love. I am also grateful for this past month and the opportunity it gave me to ponder on the wonder of my kids and how grateful I am to be their mother.

March's Week One Check-In

I am happy to report I made it through week one. I wish I could say it has been a perfect week and I have been calm, patient, ever connected mother I set out to become at the beginning of this challenge. This week, like every week, has had its ups and downs. There were days I was at the top of my game and days when I've had to apologize several times to my children for losing patience with them, including one especially bad episode around dinner time when I had a melt down. But, let's not dwell on that.....all in all it was an improvement. I have made a conscious effort to be a good mother to my children and it has made a difference. I have felt more at peace. I have felt a bigger sense of purpose in my parenting.
I am not sure all of my children have sensed my efforts, but I do know Paige has. She has always been the child who is most receptive to my moods. This week she has mentioned "Thank you for being so calm with us even though you have a headache." and "You seem really happy today, happier than you were before." These types of comments let me know that my children do follow my lead, that I do set the tone in our home, and that it is SO important for me to show that I love them, I love being a mother, and even though it is hard that they are more than worth every bit of effort I put in on their behalf. I am excited to see what the rest of the month has in store.
This next week I want to focus more on the comments I make, both to my children and about my duties as a mother. There are days when I grumble about making dinner, complain about driving them to school, freak out because their shoes are left scattered all over the entry way AGAIN.... And I have found that some of my comments to them are not at all constructive. So this week I am going to really focus on using the THINK method. Is it to suppress the first thought that springs into my mind and ask myself,
Is it True?
Is it Helpful?
Is it Inspiring?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind?
And if it's not, I don't need to be saying it to my children. It is easy to find fault with others, but this week I am going to work on finding good and encouraging it. This week here's to keeping my mouthy mouth shut and more deep breathing. :)

March's Mission: Mindful Mothering

Since becoming diagnosed with Graves' Disease I have learned the importance of being mindful. Before truly learning about what it meant to be mindful the only image that came to mind was people sitting in India in an outdoor arbor with their legs bent at impossible angles, pointer fingers touching thumbs, humming a mantra. Quite honestly, I thought it was weird, awkward, and not something I wanted and/or needed to learn about or participate in. However, I have come to love mediation and mindfulness. Mindfulness in simple terms is slowing down and living life moment by moment, enjoying the sights, sounds, feelings, emotions, etc. that come with each experience.

Too often in my busy life, I let moments slip by without even being aware of what I am missing. The little songs my girls sing when they are playing in their rooms. The sweet sticky kisses pressed to my cheek as I am hastily counting down the minutes until bedtime. The giggles, the wilted flowers given to me as gifts, the smell of freshly washed children, the feeling of peace and love that can come as I simply ponder the wonder it is to be a mother to these amazing spirits.

I hate to say it but with my sickness a sense of selfishness crept in. In simply doing what I felt I needed to do to make it through my days, I became entirely wrapped up in myself in many aspects. Instead of focusing on my children's needs I was focusing on my own. This in and of itself is not entirely wrong, I did need to focus on myself for awhile to heal and adjust. And I am not saying I became a dead beat mom who left my children to fend for themselves. I was still a mother to them. I read to them, taught them, and went through the daily motions of feeding, cleaning, driving, helping with homework, etc. I cared for them the best way I could while struggling. However, I lost the motivation behind my mothering. I lost the emotional attachment I once had with them. I lost sight of who they truly are. And I have been starkly feeling that loss lately. I realize that it is time to reconnect.

I think somewhere with all the pressures and obligations that come in being a mother I get so busy "doing" things that I forget to "be". I forget why I became a mother. It was not to have a perfectly clean house, or to run errands all day. It was not to merely survive from one moment to the next. I became a mother because I had a desire in my soul to truly love, care for, teach, and find joy in my children. This month I hope to reconnect with that image of being a mother.

So my mission for March is to become a mindful mother. I want to savor the moments I have with my children: good or bad. I want to stop and truly think about their needs when they come to me. I want to listen, try to understand, and show them how much I love them through my actions. I want them to know how special they are because they see it in my eyes. I do not want them to ever doubt my love for them. And I want to truly enjoy being a mother. I want to remember the privilege it is to be given this sacred and noble calling on this earth.
In my efforts to do this I have set some specific daily goals that tie in with the overall theme of being more mindful in my parenting. They are:

1. Pray for each girl by name morning and night. Expressing to my Heavenly Father exactly what struggles I may be having with them, asking for ways to help them in their trials, and asking to see their needs and what I can do to help them grow.

2. Use only positive, uplifting words when talking to them.

3. Spend at least 30 minutes a day with uninterrupted one on one (or one on four) time with them just being together talking, listening, and showing them my love.



I hope that as I put forth the effort to be a good, mindful mother, I will be taught by the Spirit how I can accomplish this. I hope to reconnect to my children in ways that I feel have been lost this past year. And I hope to have a BLAST while doing it!

Purpose of this Blog

Last year a friend of mine inspired me. She wanted to grow. So to stretch beyond her normal views of life so she set a goal for each month. She chose something to do, or abstain from to help her see life in a new way. I had a lot of fun reading through her many adventures. One month she became a vegetarian. Another month she abstained from reading any celebrity gossip. With each month she shared her quirky stories along with the lessons she learned from each goal.
The past few weeks I have been pondering about some changes I would like to make in my life. Some things I want to do are small, others seem insurmountable. As I was thinking about how I would be able to accomplish all of these goals, my thought turned to my friend's experience with her blog and so this blog idea of mine was born (stolen). And although it is two months past the start of the new year, to me a late start is better than no start at all.
I do not claim to be a great writer. I used to wish I could eloquently express all the thoughts in my head in a way that others would be able to crisply feel and see what I was thinking. As time has gone on I realize that is not one of my talents. However, despite my apparent lack of talent in writing, I am still starting this blog. I am starting this blog to keep myself accountable and to have a record of the things I hope to learn from my monthly goals. I titled the blog "Operation Stretch" because I hope to stretch myself in ways I have not experienced so far in my life. I am excited to get started. I hope you'll have as much fun reading my experiences as I did reading my friend's last year.